


Snakes, Singing and Slacking off

by AlphaCJ



Series: Sanders Sides Oneshots [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Coffee, Deceit is just very sarcastic, Deceit’s Pet Snake, Dee doesn’t lie impulsively in this cuz it’s confusing to read, Established friendships, Fall Out Boy References, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, I Stan rare pairings, Innuendo, M/M, Mild Unsympathetic Roman, Morally Neutral Deceit Sanders, Morally Neutral Remy Sanders, Pet Names, Remus being Remus, Remy is very sassy, Singing, Suggestive Themes, Swearing, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, can be seen as romantic or platonic ship, guitar playing, like super mild, ranting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 22:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20246305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaCJ/pseuds/AlphaCJ
Summary: Deceit, Remy and Remus are fed up being insulted by the other sides and decide to lock themselves away in Deceit’s room and ditch their jobs.





	Snakes, Singing and Slacking off

**Author's Note:**

> Set after my other oneshot ‘The Liars Lament’ But you don’t have to read that one to understand this one.
> 
> Words marked with a / indicate that Deceit is lying.

Deceit let out a heavy sigh as he entered his room. He wasted no time in shrugging off his cape, tossing his hat onto his desk and pulling off those rather itchy gloves.

It was another exhausting day of dealing with the so called ‘light’ Sides. He despised every moment he had to spend in that room, trying to get them to listen, to understand and then getting metaphorically shot down every damn time.

Deceit collapsed in his desk chair, frustratedly smacking his head down on his desk with an annoyed, tired groan. It only took a few moments for his snake to slide her way over to him from her terrarium atop his dresser. He smiled down at her as she slid onto his lap, flicking her tongue out at him.

“Quite right, Epsilon.” He replied, petting the butter coloured python. “I need to distract myself, lest we have another incident.”

He set the snake down on his bed before rolling over on his chair to his guitar stand, something he always did to calm his nerves.

He plucked the strings a bit, deciding what to play before settling on a few of his favourite tunes.

It wasn’t long into playing did Deceit hear a groan and then a thud behind him. He turned in his chair to see Remy face down in the middle of the floor, groaning miserably into the carpet.

“You too huh?” Deceit asked, looking fairly amused.

Remy groaned in response and rolled to the side so he could speak. “Fuckin Roman! I couldn’t do my damn job cause of his stupid art block! He kept Thomas up all night!”

Deceit nodded understandably as Remy continued to rant.

“So I show up to him right? And I tell him that his damn art block shouldn’t interfere with the Sleep schedule! At least Logan backed me up a little but nah of course they all side with their precious little Prince! Apparently I was ‘over reacting’ and needed to ‘calm down’ fuck that!” Remy finished his ranting, rolling back down into the carpet and letting out an annoyed muffled screech.

“Why don’t you go sit down, pet Epsilon and listen to me play then?” Deceit suggested, settling the guitar on his lap.

Remy nodded, pulled himself up and fixed his glasses. He summoned three Starbucks cups, passing one over to Deceit and taking one himself.  
“Remus will be here soon I imagine. They were tearing into him back there.” Remy explained.

Deceit hummed in response. He decided going out there would just make everything worse so he chose to stay put this time. “Any song requests?”

“Hmm...Fall Out Boy?” Remy asked, sitting down on the bed, Epsilon sliding happily onto his lap.

“Of course.” Deceit smiled, he figured Remy would pick his favourite band. He plucked at the strings, finding the right chords before he began playing ‘I don’t care’

Remy sung along with him, both blessed with Thomas’ singing ability. It certainly helped improve their moods. 

The song ended and they both took a drink of their coffee, feeling a lot better already. Deceit didn’t even have to look as he heard Remus trudge across the floor looking miserable. He handed him his drink and Remus dropped down to sit cross legged on the floor.

“Tough day too, Dukey?” Remy asked, Epsilon sliding her way over him and over the Duke’s shoulder.

Remus pet her gently, he nodded and took a gulp of coffee, extra strong, the way he likes it. “I’m going to disembowel Roman later and use his entrails to decorate my Keep.”

Remy chuckled a bit and Deceit shook his head. “Now now Remus. You know I can’t allow you to do that. Why don’t you just stay here with us for a while?” Deceit suggested, his voice gentle yet commanding like a strict but caring parent not letting their child skip homework.

“Oh alright I’ll stay for a bit since you both love me so much!” He brightened almost immediately. “Whatcha playing?”

“Fall Out Boy” Deceit replied

“Oh! Oh! Play ‘Hold me tight or don’t’ next” Remy suggested. “Suits you Dee.”

He was about to ask what he meant by that but decided against it and began playing, Remy and Remus nodding along to his singing. Deceit closes his eyes, he knew this song well, not that he’d admit that of course.

The two clapped as he finished playing, Deceit chuckled a bit. Their mood dropped a bit though when they felt a familiar tug in their minds, a summoning.

Deceit frowned, Remus and Remy groaned in unison.

“Bitch I’m not going back there.” Remy growled, taking a long, angry sip of his coffee.

“Snake daddy, I maybe, maybeee just might stab Roman if we go back there.” Remus warned, bouncing his hands on his lap impulsively.

Deceit sighed, crossing his arms in front of his guitar. “Yeah I would totally /love/ to go and stand around being insulted for 40 minutes right now, perfect use of my time.” He rolled his eyes

Remy hummed in agreement. “Let’s ditch class, fellas.”

“We can do that?” Remus piped up.

Remy shrugged, “Who’s gonna stop us? The mind cops? Dee lock the door.”

“Fair point” Deceit mused, waving is hand and his door locks.

“Ooh~ are we having a sleepover??” Remus bounced a bit where he sat

“We’re rebelling. Stickin’ it to those goody two shoes bitches.” Remy dictated, flopping back on the bed

Deceit watched with amusement, that is, until there was a knock at the door. The three of them froze.

“Kiddo? You in there? We’d really like to have you back with us and Thomas in the living room.” Patton’s voice was gentle, muffled from behind the door.

“Don’t open it.”

“Ignore him and he’ll go away! Or I could knock him out and-“

“Remus enough.”

“C’mon out Dee, please? I’m sorry we were rough on you back there.” Patton pleaded.

Remus giggled, Remy kicked his shoulder.

“If I don’t answer he’s probably going to sit outside the door anyways.” Deceit noted.

“Noooo fluff dad is gonna ground us all! It’s a trap!” Remus whisper-shouted.

Deceit rolled his eyes and stood up, leaning his guitar against his chair and crossing the room towards the door. Remus, being careful of the snake, lept forward and grabbed Deceit’s leg.

“Snake daddy noooo! He’s gonna make us go out thereeee!” 

“Let go Remus! I won’t let him force you.” Deceit dragged his leg behind him with Remus still attached, Remy was laughing.

As soon as Deceit reached the door he unlocked it, letting it swing open and coming face to face with a startled looking Patton.

Patton looked from Deceit’s tired expression to Remus clinging to his leg. “You...you’re both here?”

“Yo!” Remy greeted, sauntering over to the door sipping his coffee and throwing an arm over Deceit’s shoulder.

Patton looked a little surprised to see all three of them here. “O-Oh you’re all here, good! Thomas needs you guys to return back to the living room.”

“Lie.” Deceit stated, crossing his arms. “He doesn’t need us, he merely feels bad. Sorry Patton we won’t be returning with you.” 

“What? Why? I promise it’s not to fight with you guys you know I don’t like fighting..”

“We’re rebelling.” Remy explained, “It might be hard for you to understand this since everyone loves you but we don’t enjoy being insulted and talked down to every fuckin minute mm’kay? So you go back there and tell them that we don’t care what y’all think.” He ranted, taking Deceit’s arm and giving it a tug.

Deceit turns to leave and Remus pulls himself to his feet.

“W-Wait!” Patton exclaimed. “Let me stay with you. I’m sorry that we made you guys feel so unwelcome...I can’t speak for all of us but I can speak for myself, let me stay and listen to you now.”

They paused. “Doesn’t Thomas need you back now too?” Deceit asked

Patton shrugged, “It will be fine, Logan won’t like it but we can sort this out tomorrow, it’s not urgent. You guys are more important right now.”

Deceit couldn’t help but smile at the sentiment. “Fine you may come in.” 

Patton grinned and followed them in “Thank you!”

Remy merely shrugged, uncaring and he flopped back down on the bed after picking Epsilon up so she didn’t get hurt.

Remus sat back down on the floor, leaning back against the bed.

“What have you guys been doing up here?” Patton asked, closing over the door.

“Listening to the Snake daddy sing~” Remus purred.

Patton turns to Deceit, “You sing??”

Deceit pulls at his sleeves looking a bit uncomfortable. “Sometimes...we all have the ability to after all..”

“You’re very good at it babe.” Remy complimented, staring up at the ceiling.

Deceit rolled his eyes, picking his guitar back up and sitting down on his desk chair. “You’re /not/ welcome to sit.”

Patton smiled and sat down beside Remy, he watched the snake that was sliding across his chest, flicking her tongue at him but still keeping her distance, wary of the stranger.

“So.” Deceit began, “Any requests?”

**Author's Note:**

> Songs mentioned in this are ‘I Don’t Care’ and ‘Hold me tight or don't’ by Fall Out Boy, specifically the acoustic versions. (Yes I love them.)


End file.
